I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
