i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
