Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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