Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
