Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
