ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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