our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize