I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
