why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize