So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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