hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
