If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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