By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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