god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
