He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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