I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
