It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
