she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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