The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
