I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you still have your period?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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