i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
