Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
