And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
