please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
