I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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