The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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