My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
