I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
