im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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