I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
