Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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