considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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