I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
