in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
