She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
