There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
