I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
