Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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