my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
