i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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