The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
