apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
