guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
