whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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