Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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