During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
