Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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