Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
