I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
