Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
