i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
