I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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