for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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