Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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