I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
