This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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