only if we run a train.
done.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
