dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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