God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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