between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
