Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
