I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
