Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Vodka?
Forever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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