Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
