i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
